After hearing from Eliza of being stressed and all. How I realised I am worse then her. I just cry for no reason and I am very sick of everything that is happening around me. People come up to me telling me about those things I dont want to hear. Seriously, its alright for you guys to say it but sometimes thinking back, I really cannot take it. I think I am far too stressed or what. I shouted at my sister to get out of the room and locked her outside leaving her to sleep with my parents. I really cannot take the pressure. Whatever it is, I know that life now is not easy. It wont be just filled with fun peace and laughter. Mainly work, stress, pressure and work again. Tell me how come my life seems worse then other people who are taking their o's now who are enjoying their life out there while pupils in our school are so stressed that they feel like jumping down from the auditorium. I think I can be the first girl in PL history to jump off from there. Its been useless typing what I really feel and not being able to let you see. Whatever it is, sorry to those who got quite affected by my doings. I know I am in the wrong. Very wrong indeed.You guys are not happy at what I decided and what I am doing. Sorry. Give me more time. This for I am sure, one day I will be out without all these shit. I hope I get expelled or whatever so I wouldnt have to care and bother about my work. Damn shit.

Vian told me this or rather said that I am feeling like that cause she feels the same way:

I can't be the kind of girl who can quietly stand by your side, watch your doing and be someone who always silently agrees with you,follow you and dont mutter a single word.it's because i care tht's why i bother to ask.it's because i care tht's why i can't keep shut abt your doin.it's because i care tht's why i wanna know wher you are.it's because i care tht's why i'm interferin ur probs.if i don't love,what makes you tink i care?i'm done with the appreciation,but its you who choose not to appreciate me.i hate doing thing so seriously and exclusively yet only get back truck and loads of disappointment.

She've got me into thinking. What are all these promises for? What are those words you told me meant for? Think about it.

Will you wait for me

I need to talk with you again, why did you go away,
All our time together, just feels like yesterday,
I never thought I'd seen, a single day without you,
the things we take for granted,we can sometimes lose.
And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again, will I see you again.
Cos time will pass me by, may be I'll never learn to smile,
But i know I will make it through, if you wait for me.
And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try.
They will never bring you home to me, won't you wait for me in heaven.
Do you remember how it was, when we never seemed to care.
The days went by so quickly, cos I thought you'd always be there.
It's hard to let you go, though I know that I must try.
I feel like I've been cheated, cos we never said goodbye.
And if I promise not to feel this pain, Will I see you again.
Cos I miss you so, and I need to know, Will you wait for me.