Sunday, January 21
For one thing that I am sure of, things arent going to be the same.
You are not going to come back and tell me thats just a nightmare.
So I was in deep thoughts after reading some things.
I finally learn to appreciate those times.
But its just too late.
I dont know if there was a change in you or was it me.
But sometimes it just makes me smile.
But in front of others, I will just laugh and joke about it.
Cause I didnt realise that within just a short time, things got out of control.
You werent yourself and I werent mine.
Were you just playing your part to make me happy?
Or were you just thinking its alright, she wont bother about it anyway.
I thought you were still alrights then.
I still stupidly talk to you.
You answered. Thats it.
I still didnt know a thing.
I needed friends to inform me.
I needed others to find out for me.
I needed time to take it.
I needed to understand the whole situation but not being a bitch to cry over it.
I needed to know what was all this all about?
I needed to know what went wrong.
You chose not to tell.
You chose to keep it from me.
Things couldnt be settled by itself overnight.
Or maybe it has never before/ever settle.
We happily chose to leave it alone.
I dreamt of you.
In fact, it wasnt the for one time or was it the first time.
I wanted to forget about it.
I wanted not to dream about it.
Who on earth would want to make herself/himself sad over such things?
Not me, but I have no idea how not to.
After nights and nights of dreams, I am left with mornings and mornings of disappointment.
I have so crashed every single morning only to find out that things changed.
Its hard to take it.
Sometimes, I just want to lay on bed and continue dreaming.
Its a natural thinking.
But life still have to go on.
I tried to put on a fake smile and treated as nothing had happened.
I've been a great actress all along.
No one could tell how I felt.
No one knew what happened.
But I am very tired.
Every time I try to forget.
I tried to escape from it.
I told myself not to be so silly over such things.
I didnt know it was not that easy.
I regretted.
But it was not my decision for all these to take place.
It was yours right.
You knew from the beginning till now.
You planned, you acted.
I was in the play too.
But someone who didnt know how you would end the play.
Someone who just followed dumbly.
I tried, but disappointment crashed every single time.
The promises we made to each other is like for fun kind of thing.
You were never serious.
You were never able to understand how it feels like.
When I just go to certain places, it just hit hard and I would smile.
But in reality, you are gone.
Was it my fault?
For the first time
Are those your eyes, is that your smile
I've been lookin' at you forever
But I never saw you before
Are these your hands holdin' mine
Now I wonder how I could of been so blind
For the first time I am looking in your eyes
For the first time I'm seein' who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're lookin' back at me
Now I understand why love is...
Love is... for the first time...
Can this be real, can this be true
Am I the person I was this morning
And are you the same you
It's all so strange how can it be
All along this love was right in front of me
For the first time I am looking in your eyes
For the first time
I'm seein' who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're lookin' back at me
Now I understand why love is...
Love is... for the first time...
Such a long time ago
I had given up on findin' this emotion...
Ever again
But you live with me now
Yes I've found you some how
And I've never been so sure
And for the first time I am looking in your eyes
For the first time I'm seein' who you are
Can't believe how much I see
When you're lookin' back at me
Now I understand why love is... Love is... for the first time...